House of holiday cards

Every year in mid-December, they start arriving. Holiday cards. Pictures of families I met years ago. Pictures of astonishingly tall teenagers who used to be babies when I met them. Pictures of babies I haven’t met yet. Pictures of families I’m not sure I’ve ever actually met, but somehow we got on their list.

The deluge of holiday cards should make me all warm and holiday fuzzy. And it mostly does. It’s the time of year for good cheer, good will and showing off your family. And in the digital age, why not capture a picture of your family as it changes each year and send it out to your friends? It’s easy isn’t it? Oh, and be sure to include a really long letter outlining every detail of your life the past year for your friends to read about.

We used to have this gorgeous holiday festive bowl where I kept the cards and it became an important part of our holiday rituals. My daughter would open the cards and play “guess the sender.” We’d pass them around at dinner and my husband would share an inappropriate story about his college friend who’d sent us a picture of his ironically “perfect” family.

But last year, the bowl broke and the cards ended up stacked in my kitchen, gathering dust. The bowl became both a metaphorical and actual break in my holiday card spirit. I realized that with every card I received I didn’t feel grateful, I just felt guilty about not having created my own holiday card. 

I used to love sending them. We’d comb through the pictures we’d taken of our kids all year and choose the best—something fun and original. Our boy when he was 2, with the U.S. Capitol behind him, pointing straight at the camera as if running for president. Our kids giggling and rolling in brightly colored leaves. Our children and our little white fluffy dog looking all cute and well behaved. We were never in the pictures; I figured that people knew what we looked like, but the kids were constantly changing and growing. And they were so darn cute. 

But this year, I was having a holiday card block because it was hard to find any pictures at all with them, let alone the best of the year. Now that my kids are 15 and 17, I hardly ever take their picture. And if I do, it’s on my phone, taken as an afterthought. If a picture is worth a thousand words, it’s as if I’ve stopped talking.

These days, with Facebook and Twitter, it also feels like the annual holiday picture has been diminished. There’s instant gratification on social media networks, and some people are sending the equivalent of holiday picture cards every day.  

My son says he doesn’t even understand why anyone would send a holiday picture card. “Mom, if you really cared about them, you would actually see them in person, wouldn’t you?” And while he’s right, sometimes the people we care about aren’t people we get to see in person. And I still feel that the fun of taking time to pick the picture, make the card, and open it at the other end has meaning. 

I love that my parents’ friends who watched me grow up were able to see my kids grow up via the annual holiday card. And I appreciate the cards from my friends with kids who are younger than mine—mainly because I know how hard it is to get those kids to sit still enough to take a picture. 

One friend of mine, who has triplets, has gone to great lengths to create the perfect family photo each year. For eight of their 10 years, she has gotten those kids all dolled up and hired the best photographers in town to capture them for holiday posterity. 

My favorite picture of their family is legendary because one of the triplets, whose nickname is actually “bird,” is delightfully (and no doubt unknowingly) giving every one the bird as she stands in her holiday finery. My friend worked so hard for that particular holiday shoot, dressed those kids up to perfection; found a photographer who was able to keep their attention long enough to get the perfect shot; reviewed hundreds of shots to pick just one; printed up all the cards. And it wasn’t until they were ready to go out in the mail that her husband pointed out their daughter’s pointy middle finger. No one had noticed it until that moment. 

The caption on the card read: The Thanksgiving Day Bird. 

And then there are my clever friends who send the most hilarious and creative holiday cards. One friend’s family would compete for the best photo and caption of the year. What pressure! Once her husband took a picture of three ducks on a lake and the caption read: Merry Ducking Christmas. That was a winner.

But I’m sure none of their pictures could beat the family shots found at awkwardfamilyphotos.com. They’re truly hilarious.

Heather Lake, a professional photographer from Pittsford, says her busy holiday picture season begins in October. For some clients, she has been taking the annual holiday picture of their families since their kids were babies, and each year it’s her job to think of a totally new concept for the photo shoot. 

Recently she has noticed more families including dogs in the family shot. When they do bring their pooch along, most of the photo shoot ends up focusing on making sure the dog’s sweater looks good. Yup—the dog’s sweater. 

She says the best part of her job is seeing the same kids year after year and capturing them in that moment in time. She does send out her own holiday cards, driving her kids crazy every Thanksgiving with the annual photo. But despite two of them already being in college, she ignores their groans and takes the shot anyway.

Even the venerable George Eastman House holds a small collection of photo-based holiday cards, says Jessica Johnston, assistant curator in the Photo Department. Last year, Johnston curated a show of them, which include cards sent to the Eastman House by famous photographers and from families who donated their personal collections. 

“It’s an important cultural use of photography,” Johnston explains. “Since as a museum we tell the story of the social use of photography, we felt we needed to include them.” 

The cards range from some sent in the 1930s to just a few years ago. I told her I would feel great pressure sending her—an expert—a photographic holiday card. But it turns out she loves receiving them, especially from her family. But she confessed she doesn’t send her own. 

This year, as my son moves on to his college years, I wonder how much longer we’ll include him in the family holiday photograph. People say once kids go out on their own, they should send their own cards. But I know that won’t happen, not until he’s got kids of his own. 

This year was particularly hard to find a good picture since our kids are always going off in different directions. All I could find were pictures of the food they’d eaten at restaurants. So I got smart. I knew I had to get a senior photo of my son, so I asked the photographer to take a few extra shots with my daughter and the dog thrown in for good measure. 

I know our friends and family will love it. The caption will read: Last One—enjoy it.